Patent Leather Mary-Janes

Life has been so overwhelming lately- I have had meltdowns which is not normal. I have thinking about Dasha more than ever. In less than a month, it will have been a year since we lost her. Last week, Easter was so hard... I did not enjoy seeing all the little girls dressed up with their new Easter dresses. That was such a big thing to me when growing up- the new Easter dress and shoes so I even considered buying a little dress but thankfully didn't. It seems a little crazy as I look back on that thought. Truthfully, this past month I have had some very crazy ideas. I'm sure it's the combination of the stress of the pending test scores and the anniversary date of Dasha's death. It is so big and real to me and I feel so alone with my grief. I really have been grieving again- I miss her, I really miss not having my daughter and I miss not being a mom. I want to be a mom so much. I have been sacrificing that desire to pursue my teaching degree, but at this moment being a mom is all I want. I see so many mother's that are stressed and easily frusterated and I wish they would just realize what they have. I wish they could just stop and cuddle their child and be thankful. Lesson: we never realize what we have until its gone.